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2007-01-26 - 12:50 p.m.

Dear Government:

Hey, is that your dog? That's a nice dog. Listen, I'm sending in a tax form today. It has one of my W-2's on it, which totals just under the amount of the standard deduction. I wrote down my taxable income on this sheet as zero, got it?

When did you get that dog? I bet you love that dog very much, don't you? I have some other W-2's out in the world somewhere, but I don't really care enough to go track them down, add up all my wages, add up all the taxes deducted, and do all of those things, okay?

It would be a shame if anything were to happen to that pretty dog of yours. I'm sure that if I were to go through the trouble, my refund would be even larger, but I'm moving in a week and I'd like to go with a clear head, see? That makes sense right? I bet your dog could even understand how simple this is.

Just pay the money.

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taxes!