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2005-08-15 - 8:36 p.m.

Three years ago I sat in my girlfriend's car and said these words: "I'm trying. I don't think you understand how hard I'm trying to make this fucking work. And I shouldn't have to." So I opened the door and walked away, without ever speaking to her again.

I had spent that entire day on the edge of my roof thinking about my belief that relationships shouldn't be that hard. You shouldn't have to work to make it.

Today I sat on the banister on the porch for three hours, thinking about how an idea I used to have that living shouldn't be that hard.. that a job was the most ridiculous creation ever.. and things like rent suck ass.

So earlier today I sat in the living room and said "I'm trying. I don't think you understand how hard I'm trying to make this fucking work."

I'm still not sure how I felt about the fact that I almost walked out and drove to New York.

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