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2009-09-22 - 6:29 p.m. One day while the girl and I were walking to the beach she found some strings of green beads hanging from the side of a building. She grinned, grabbing two strands, and gave one to me and one to herself. Then she left and still I wore it, even though she wasn't here to know that I wasn't. Here I was, pining over a girl who has gone and I am not even sure how serious she is about me. Me, moping, five days straight does not a fun time make. Then last night my friends and I were playing pool in a bar, and the girls they've invited are showing random interest and then disinterest at them. There's a girl sitting down who grabs at my hand inconspicuously while I come over to talk to my friend who's trying to hit on her, and yet I've never even learned her name. After her friend gets us kicked out of the bar we decide to go to the cove and she asks about the beads I'm still wearing. I'm fairly drunk by this point in time and, being the stupid jackass that I am, use the story of the beads to my advantage. I tell her that the girl gave them to me and that I'd been wearing them since she left -- and then I told her, "But it doesn't make much sense to be wearing something that reminds you of one girl when you're with somebody else that you like better," as I unwrapped the beads from my neck and tossed them onto the beach a few feet away. It was one of those idiotic lies that people say just to achieve their immediate goals -- my goals for that night being the most obvious in the entire world. And yet today it is such a metaphorical cop-out but it feels like a millstone has been lifted from around my neck. A great deal of the sadness and longing that I've had hanging around since she's gone has left me and I am in good spirits. So, that's good. But a great deal is not the whole thing - I still miss her, and I don't know what's going to happen when she comes back.

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