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2008-12-23 - 10:10 p.m. I keep saying the things I want to say, just to the wrong girl. Stories I tell, jokes I make, those damn sweet remarks, all misdirected and not intended for you or her or whoever at all. Not having the internet changes how I even think. I only write things for here when I'm sitting at home alone, drunk and thinking too much. Earlier at dinner somebody accuses me of something, so I get self-concious and send her a message, "Do i talk too much or too little?" and goddamnit all if she doesn't reply, "just enough". ---- I could settle down if women were different. If I didn't understand so much about them, if women didn't spoil you for other women, if they had only a little pride. If I could go to sleep for a while and wake up into a home that was really mine--why, that's what I'm made for, that's what women have seen in me and liked in me. It's only that I can't get through the preliminaries any more. ---- Myself: "Did I tell you about her friend that she tried to hook me up with?" Other: "Not your type?" Myself: "His name is Jason." ---- There's a girl at the other end of the bar talking with a guy when he raises his hand and slaps her forehead. She walks closer to our end, sits down, and is about to start crying when my friend goes over to that guy and does the same thing to him, just much much harder, and says, "Is there anybody in this bar you want to hit who isn't a girl?" ---- We're out on the walking mall and the guy I'm with crosses the street, while I turn down a different way. "Where you going?" he calls out to me, and I nod my head in the direction of this group of girls, "just this way a little." Turns out the place is having a dance party, 18 and over. Yes, there's 80% girls in the place, but no, 95% of them cannot legally drink. We're sitting there and he's talking with some girls and tries to introduce me but I'm distracted, looking around and thinking how all of these girls are so goddamn innocent. It's like that thing from the movie Swingers.. I'm like a bear with these fangs and these claws, surrounded by these little bunny rabbits, and all I'm thinking is how attractive maturity is. ---- How could I sleep with somebody who doesn't know how to spell 'worry'?

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