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2008-08-15 - 11:44 p.m. Find a large factory currently being constructed. Make sure it doesn't have a fence. Or doors. This means they have to post a security guard. Security guards, and generally everybody who does anything ever, should be good at what they do. They should not sit in the parking lot watching a portable television, oblivious to somebody passing by three different times. At this point he's just as effective as a scarecrow. Leave the construction site, weaving between the two lanes to dodge the occasional cars passing. Spot a car stopped, headlights blinking, on the side of the road. Get closer and notice a very sexy girl leaning in the drivers side window of the stalled car, her own car parked just behind it. Stop on the other side of the road and watch as the driver of the first car tries again and again to start it, but something sounds definitely broken. He gets out and starts trying to push it. The girl helps, a little, for a few seconds, and then gives up. Ride over, drop your bike, and ask, "Need some help?" - already in back and pushing before the guy can answer. Push the car a mile, uphill, to a pull-off area. Think to yourself how good your ass must look to the girls following behind. This place you're going to leave the car has a pretty steep driveway-thing, so the guy puts the parking brake on and you should stand in the headlights, arms akimbo, looking off into the darkness. One final pushing and the car is set. Politely decline the offer of a ride from the girls. Feel better than you have in a long time, muscles aching and karma golden.

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