2007-07-31 - 1:20 p.m.
I haven't been sleeping very well. Eight hours in seven days brings me to the place where I'm taking showers to try to force the action, where every other thing somebody says to me gets a blank look or a mumbled "whatever you say."I try going to bed, but I can't turn off my brain, so I'm up again and wandering, looking for boys to pick fights with, looking for girls to pretend everything's OK with. I'm back home at nine in the morning, doing push-ups to force the blood through my body, to try and get past the point where every thought is gone ten seconds later. I'm struggling to think in a logical manner, because if I don't focus, if I don't force myself to use the rational part, the other part of my brain, the part that controls free-flowing emotions, that part is a whirlpool of everything I don't need right now.
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